Spiritual Voltage Without Connection: Pastor Burale And The Case Of The Unplugged Electricity.
Eloi! Ya Rabii! Tobah! Yehova! Mtume shuka na usitumane kabisa! It appears that when a man starts supplying electricity to the posterior tunnels of mankind, he automatically disconnects from the feminine front line. Our sister in the struggle, Rozinah Mwakideu, the blood sister of that smooth-tongued radio voice Alex Mwakideu, has decided to spill holy tea hotter than hellfire on a Friday revival night!
According to Rozinah, her biggest lifetime regret was saying “I do” to the Lord’s anointed transformer, Pastor Robert Burale, a man who apparently specializes in rear-end load shedding instead of front-end maintenance. She claims that on their honeymoon night, Pastor Burale didn’t even try to touch her transmission lines!
That’s when she started receiving mixed signals like “network error: user not interested in fachainaa.” Little did she know that her holy husband was a VIP member of the Sisi kwa Sisi Brotherhood, the society of men who love their fellow brothers, vertically and horizontally. Rozinah says, “Ukisikia mwanaume akisema ‘Bwana Yesu asifiwe,’ tafadhali, RUN! Run like a dog that has just escaped castration!” Especially these so-called watumishi wa Mungu, nowadays even demons are confused who is who.
A few years back, Pastor Burale publicly confessed that he was once a porn addict, allegedly distributing voltage like a brand-new Yamaha generator during El Niño season, before “getting saved.” Saved from what, only heaven knows. And as if that’s not enough, Andrew Kibe, that one-man seminar on failed relationships, once said Burale is as fake as his suits. And honestly, if Kibe calls you fake… brother, you need a full system reboot with holy water and new firmware.
I keep saying it, some of us are sweet angels when we’re single- you know, smiling, stressfree, glowing like we’ve been eating heaven’s leftovers. But once that thing called Mareej enters the chat, expectations arrive like KPLC bills after Christmas. Then disappointments follow, then anxiety, then you start praying for rapture!
Cheii!! May Yehova Wanyonyi remember his poor pipoos battling in that thing called Mareej. Because these days, even holy unions are turning into horror films directed by Netflix and produced by Lucifer Entertainment.